25 Days of Christmas - Day 16: Christmas Beverages

Never ever ever again!

There are certain things that only feel right this time of the year. Hot apple cider, pumpkin cocktails, gingerbread lattes, they all have that Fall-Christmas feeling about them. You might be asking yourself why I've omitted eggnog from this list of quintessential holiday drinks. It's because I HATE eggnog with a freaking passion! God, I can't stand that nasty goo. Trust me, I have a very good reason.

When I was a child, around eight or nine years old, we had a family Christmas party. Being the little fat ass that I was and still am, I was determined to try everything we had out for the dinner, including the eggnog. Before then, I was never allowed to drink it and it was soooo tempting! It smelled yummy and looked like melted vanilla ice cream so I figured it couldn't be THAT bad, right? WRONG! Upon taking that first sip, I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't what I thought it was. Any preconceived notions I had about this tasting as delicious as it smelled were shattered the instant that mess hit my taste buds. To make matters worse, it had some sort of strong essence to it that was reminiscent of spoiled fruit of some sort. I just couldn't put my finger on what the problem was. I decided to give it another go and drank another glass. I started feeling warm and... goofy. I thought maybe I was tired, but some voice inside of me was telling me to go get another glass of eggnog. By the time I reached my FIFTH glass of eggnog, I was barely able to walk or even hold my head up. At this point, I'm unable to form sentences without sounding as though I have a mouthful of peanut butter. I could also no longer smell or taste said eggnog, which made it easier to drink except for the texture, which was starting to make me queasy. Finally, my grandfather caught on when I started puking up what was clearly eggnog. Turns out, one of my older cousins decided to dump an entire bottle of E&J in what was SUPPOSED to be non-alcoholic eggnog. Explains why my mother didn't scream at me that year for drinking it, because I know the woman saw me dipping into it. Needless to say, she was pissed the F off and it is one of the reasons why this cousin still isn't welcome in her house.

My first and only eggnog experienced ended with me being (unintentionally) drunk as a skunk before I even reached the age of ten followed by my first ever hangover the next day. Yeah, the memories of eggnog are so strong that I can't stand the smell of it to this day without gagging. The first Christmas I worked at a coffee shop we had eggnog lattes. I would have to hold my breath whenever I had to steam eggnog for drinks lest I upchuck into someone's beverage. Imagine four Christmases of that! I just pray that my boyfriend doesn't drink it because I couldn't imagine kissing him with that nasty sh*t on his breath! GROSSSS!