31 Days of Halloween - Day 7: Saving Halloween

I'm just so frustrated. It's the Halloween month. Time for pumpkin patches, fall-themed kitsch, haunted houses, and ghost cut-outs. The only thing I've seen so far are the pumpkin patches and those sickeningly sweet-smelling cinnamon brooms. Where are all the haunted houses and ghosts and ghouls? Oh, I could pay $20+ to go on some PG-rated haunted hayride where some high-schooler clad in a hockey mask wielding a fake machete can grab at my foot, but I'd rather do something a little more adult. I want to be so scared that I'm ready to soil myself. I want something to jump out at me and make me tear a hole in my best friend's ass trying to get away from whatever is chasing us. I want the REAL Halloween.

Halloween has become so sanitized and boring. A couple years ago, I asked my neighbor's little boy what his costume would be to go trick or treating with. His mother snootily responded with "We don't celebrate the Devil's holiday!" Um, ok. Are you implying that my super religious mother is some undercover Satanist just because she dressed me up in girly costumes and let my fat ass go begging for candy trick or treating as a child? Yeah, keep telling yourself that. It's not just my misguided neighbor that thinks this way. The Christian private school I attended when I was younger didn't allow Halloween. Oh, we celebrated it, but it was called Fall Festival. The school would have this fete where the kids would get dressed up, get candy, bob for apples, play games, etc. What's the difference between that and Halloween, you ask? NOTHING! It was Halloween in all but name. They just didn't want any of what they called the "negative connotations" associated with the term.

Bottom line, give me my holiday back! Halloween is far from negative. It's fun, you get free candy, you get to play games, you get free candy, there's the haunted houses, you get free candy. I'm leaving something out, oh yeah, YOU GET FREE CANDY! How exactly is procuring free candy a celebration of Lucifer and his minions? Yes, we all know the background of All Hallows Eve, but it's become something completely different now. If people (like my Bible-thumping neighbor) were really that fearful of holidays that have a Pagan influence, they wouldn't celebrate Christmas. *drops mic and walks away*