31 Days of Halloween - Day 1: Phobias

It seems fitting that with the first day of what I refer to as "Halloween Month" that an old phobia of mine would be resurrected: my extreme, deathly fear of cockroaches. I don't just hate these things like a normal person, I fear them. I remember an incident in college where there was an infestation of them in my on-campus apartment. I saw one crawling on my bedroom wall while I was laying in bed. I freaked out and ran to wake my roommates for one of them to come kill it. For the rest of the night, I slept with my bedside table lamp on pointed directly at my bed to deter any other roaches from crawling on me. The building was brand new and had only been open a couple weeks. We couldn't figure out how roaches had invaded it. Within weeks they were gone, thanks to extermination services provided through campus housing. Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of free extermination services here at home.

I've not seen a roach in my house in years. The one I saw Sunday night in my bathroom was HUGE. I tried to kill the little bastard but he (very quickly) got away from me and presumably went down the air vent in the floor. For the rest of the night I was filled with absolute panic. It took me hours to stop shaking and get my breathing under control. Seems a bit irrational but I had good reason to be so upset. The roach's escape hatch sits right next to a second door that leads straight to, of all places, my bedroom. The very thought of that lone roach crawling out that vent and making its way into my bedroom sent me into such a worrying tizzy that I was unable to sleep for the entirety of the night. I once read that roaches were afraid of bright light (sounds like a Gremlin) so just like I did in college, I left the light on for the rest of the night. I also kept watch of the wall housing that second door leading to the bathroom which has a huge bookcase sitting in front of it, thus obscuring my complete view of it.

It seems insane to allow myself to get so out of sorts over something so small. They say you are always just mere feet away from an insect. Spiders are always in a home (and I have a huge fear of those as well). The difference between a harmless tiny spider and a roach is that non-poisonous spiders aren't dangerous to humans. Roaches carry diseases, can cause severe allergic reactions in those with severe asthma, and roaches can even BITE you. Yeah, that's right, they can bite and those bites will likely get a nasty infection. Now do you see why I'm so afraid?

I've tried the whole exposure therapy before to rid myself of this fear due in part to my extreme reactions when confronted with a roach. Needless to say, it didn't work. I only succeeded in having an anxiety attack and a momentary nervous breakdown. Dissolving into tears and shaking to the point of lunacy is not cute. When I saw that roach Sunday night, I had my first anxiety attack in years. Sweating, shaking, dizziness, heart ready to burst from chest, etc. It was not my finest moment.

Come morning, I'm waging war. I've found some allegedly effective means of ridding myself of this infestation. I'm calling it thus because where there's one roach, there's bound to be more. In the meantime, I will be stuck scared out of my wits so much you'd think one of the monsters from Cabin in the Woods was lurking around my house. Think I might be staying at my boyfriend's place until I'm absolutely sure these pests are gone.